THE CONSPIRACY THEORY OF YOU

PART TWO of three: The Lie of “I”

A novelistic approach.          

From Loy; in the forests of the mind:

Click to read: Part One | Part Three

“Our bodies speak our thoughts in their own language,” Reena told them. “They speak thoughts that we ourselves may not be aware of.”
In this way the children began to observe themselves. It became a game to catch their bodies speaking hidden thoughts. A leg swinging, a foot tapping, fingers rubbing, arms twitching, bodies swaying. A secret language all its own. 
“You think something, and your body speaks it. But who is speaking?”
They quickly discovered there was a separate mind to their body. Unconscious. It had a life and intelligence all its own. It perceived things they were not aware of. It often spoke to them in a language they could not hear or did not understand.
“It’s easy to hear the mind-of-the-body when it shouts out in pain or fear, but true understanding comes in silence.”
And so they had to learn to hear a voice that was all encompassing and yet invisible.
A mind, Reena told them, that purposefully hid in order to control and direct them without their knowing. Only by separating from this mind could they begin to see it, understand it, and eventually use it. Only then was true-awareness possible.”

A friend’s dog lived with me for a time. Penny was large, powerful, willful, and for the most part dragged me along to the nearest tree, scrap of food, stick, animal, whatever. She was a basket of needs and desires that forced me to take control and guide her, but in reality she was the driving force guiding me.

A sudden revelation: “Guide-Dog.” Not her, Me!

This was my role in life! Wasn’t I propelled by a basket of wishes and desires, needs and fears? Didn’t they drag me here and there? Wasn’t I leashed to a version of myself that I have little knowledge of and simply accepted as myself?

The mind-of-the-body.

A constellation of thoughts and feelings. Like people living inside. Inner states looking for a place in the outside world.

Me, myself, I.

Each was an expression of a need or desire. When I say “I”, I think I am speaking for the whole of me, but really, who is speaking? What is speaking? In a given moment I might think one thing, in the next another or even an opposite thought.

This is the lie of “I”, for there is no singular “I”.

And yet, this is what we do. We identify with a thought or a feeling, declare that this is us and defend it to the death. Why? Because we have always done it. Because we have been trained to do it.  

One definition of conspiracy theory is “A belief that some secret but influential organization is responsible for an event or phenomenon.” 

We are the product of that phenomenon. Without questioning who or what we are, everything stays in place. We become the expression of a hidden realm. We embody the conspiracy.

“Don’t let a habit become your habitat.”—Tedagee

The real story of you, not the conspiracy of you, begins with the question, who am I separate from ‘It’ or ‘They’ or ‘Them’?  And how do I determine who I am? 

Part Three: ”Beyond The Story”

Click to read: Part One | Part Three

    —Do you have a comment, question or query?
The comments section is below.—

---

In a past life, Todd David Gross had an extensive background in music and was a veteran of such rock groups as The Burning Sensations, The Band Next Door, and The Shout! He performed primarily on bass, sometimes keys, sang, wrote songs, hauled equipment and performed in downtown NYC clubs, (usually after 2 a.m. on a work night), hauled equipment back, and sometimes saw the sun rise. 

Learn More

---